do religions really excommunicate nowadays?

Here's a letter from a dear friend- I cannot confirm the accuracy of any of his assertions- I was a bit surprised- since he could actually recite entire passges from his religious text.

Dear Friend,

Yea

The excommunication bit was rough.

It happened after the service- when the family & couples session was going on,. The entire session is controlled by the senior pastor. He walks around to make sure we are not discussing the odds on the game tonight!.

I am one of the junior family moderators which basically means that I am assigned the group that uses the wooden folding chairs, served black coffee and only shown pictures of food.

Well the topic of my group was on how

Tropicana Florida Orange juice is not really from Florida.

The discussion was quite animated and as the pastor came up to us- he saw that he would gently have to steer the communication away from Government lying and taking all our money to pay all those failed baskets in those terribly famous banks.

Rather than risk a huge altercation ( we have old ladies who can throw 2-day old donuts with deadly accuracy. The Govt was tempted to use their services in the Gulf war too).

The pastor gently steered us saying:

“No matter where the juice comes from – it really tastes nice!”

To support him ( suitable brown nosing is recommended in case you wish to have access to those folding chairs- the next option is to sit on hot tin sheets outside in the football field.

“ Yea! It tastes very good with Vodka too!”

The silence was deafening. Immediately I was promoted to be the harbinger of the second deadly sin – a rung below the one where that woman smoked them leaves and gave an apple to that man.

I am in closed door hearings now for the next 4 days where I have to show cause on why I mentioned Vodka. ( Turns out if I had mentioned an American drink like Bud or Heineken

(-German? Beer is an American name! Nah!

- my sin would have been downgraded to a misdemeanour).

Right now there is a chance I may be sent for preaching to those handsome fellas at Gitmo! Look for pictures of me.

Best!

Carrey