Ye man- no se Men?

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2009

somebody in Yemen influenced a military man to shoot his own?
Hey men (no se-me)
I have been to Yemen- seriously I doubt if you can even think of Yemen as an influencing nation!! I flew in from Africa and let me tell you that it was a hoo-rrific ride!! The airplanes belonging to Africa Air were really ancient. Seriously- for the first time in my life I flew in an airplane where I had the worst seat ever (it would only sit perpendicular and had no seat belt!!! - the man rickshaws in Mother Teresa's town were better!!). The only solace I had was the good food and whisky on the flight.

To land at Yemen- the bus ( sorry plane!) stopped at Aden airport. The airport was something from the old Lee Walker days (Phantom or the Ghost who walks!!)- you actually had family walking right upto the plane to see off their near and dear!! The uncle who came was wearing only a bamboo skirt!! Viagra would never sell here- the bamboo stalks would break off. ( Mel Brooks??)


Denizens carry automatic weapons and eat stone burnt meat!! It was hilarious.

To see that a cleric from here influenced an educated well-fed and US Govt supported individual is unbelievable. And mr. shooter if you so wanted to die why did you not shoot yourself dead? Instead you have destroyed 13 families!! Did you really have the intelligence and wherewithal to understand what the heck you were doing- Oh yeah- you baby, were told by that man to shoot your colleagues??? No wonder, appreciation from that guy may make you feel good- good Lord Man! what the hell were you thinking? How dare you treat yourself to the luxury meted to you here- why don't you go to Yemen and stay in those mountains and suckle oranges fool!! Are you afraid that your 9mm would be laughed at??

See the immense pain you have brought onto your family too- good- now not only will you be hated by your fellow countrymen- now you have your family also wishing you were dead!! Obviously left unsaid is that now you have put in one more nail in the coffin of your religion. Good Show~!!

That old man in the hill and his trusted aide Chukka would thank you more when they rub off any liquid with the stones around. Burn in hell man- burn in hell

Hoax balloon or stroller? - who cares- let's fix our lives

Please read this with the knowledge that I am not politically inclined to the elephant or the donkey or any pie charts on TV!

Really who cares whether they got air time or not. Was the baby on the stroller real- or a hoax too?

Here are my worries:

How many of us have secure jobs going into next year- how about medical insurance or for our children? How much more tax money are we going to pour into other's homes to fight an enemy that none of us will ever know fully? How much more hatred for a religion that seems to be spiraling out of control ?

Isn't it enough that in an intelligent forum of thinkers such as this website there are around a thousand responses to the balloon boy but not many on the latest health or state of the economy. Guys are we losing focus? If the family indulged in a hoax let them get Madoff or the latest scam artist to be a room mate.

Let's lobby to stop outsourcing - why not have proof that 75% of all Government contracts stay in this country (this writer's family owns a software outsourcing business - but yet is not in favor of this kind of reverse exploitation! legal briefs, call centers, software- what next- even family relationships when we are busy gaming? you can even buy medicines form outside the country!!) or at least the money flows through this country.

You all must have seen that over the next five years the heath insurance documentation will allow flow of around 14 billion dollars in software outsourcing- NO- we need this for our health. Let's have trickle down economics at least that way!! All we do now it seems is to concentrate on how others gobbled our money, sextoys and internet gambling!

C'mon guys we wrote the book on taxes- cant we find ways to bring this cash flow through our country. Call Madoff, Enron whoever wrote and figured out those fancy schemes- give them lunch only if they reveal how to do this- or let the SEC let us know how to do this!!

Please let's talk development of a better future here.

Mother Teresa to Albani? How about some more

So now Albania wants Mother Teresa's remains.

In the same vein now India should go to Great Britain and ask for those nice jewels including the Kohinoor Diamond back.

England can get Beckham back ( including Victoria!). Iraq can have Saddam's cars, whoever wants Osama and his brood can have him back. Those 11 idiots who did not know how to fly- can you give us back our life too? ((Are 73 male virgins good enough carrots for you?What did you gain except universal suspicion and hatred of your religion- that is the greatest achievement that

**** in the hill did)).

As long as we are on a roll, how about life before the balloon? Whitney before Bobby, Bill before sex with that woman, John before he jumped off the ship, Inside Edition before the spin, Maury before Connie, Montel without medicine, Oprah without the fat, Brad before he went "blind", Jon and Kate with and without the eight. Mike as a Vegetarian and no indulgence for taste of human flesh even as a Careless Whisper to allow Don King to straighten out his hair for a change.. The world before WMD, Pakistan without guns, Afghanistan with no drugs, Russia with no fast food style nuclear weapons, China with religion, Indonesia without, Singapore with chewing gum, India with religion and no chewing, Bangladesh with no floods, Middle East with no camel racing and (mis) use of the expatriate as a friend and foe, Europe without the cold and the Euro, South America with no more coyotes and export of death, Wal Mart with no more cheaper imports, and The USA as FOOLS NO MORE!

What say? Any CONFIDENT takers?

wierdest lay off ever

On month before this happened- I got a bonus. Here my boss was explaining " Purist- thank you so much- you have been instrumental in getting my company to 400% growth over 3 years. Hmm! Thank you! I know! I thought. Just 4 years back she had started looking northward to dreams of greater glory by horizontal staffing after 4 decades of non-existential karmic existence. . Sure enough- the business turnover and profits started pouring in.

Well one month passed. I was one of the best employees she had, very knowledgeable, never complaining, working long hours when no one else was available, never trying to con the client or the employer, never dreaming of pilfering supplies, and always standing by the boss - (without brown nosing)- following every rule, no idiotic things like inappropriate behavior in an office setting, no internet browsing except for official purpose- no watchign streaming games on the sly, knew my technology better than anyone working with me- yet never bragged about it- did the impossible by designing a structure that no one in their right mind knew how to. What was I doing wrong?

Anyways a month after the "bonus talk"- here she was calling me for a one-on-one.

" Purist, I have no complaints about your knowledge, your ethics or the fact that you are a hard worker!"

all green lines are my unsaid thoughts!!

(Awright- FINALLY I'm getting the promotion I richly deserve!)

Your behavior is the best and your knowledge is respected.

"Somehow I get confused when I deal with you"

Confused? I never deal work wise with you!

" somehow you tell me what you think you want me to hear"

Eh" what do you want to hear and when do I talk to you about work??

Eh? Come again- confused- can you explain-

Yes- somehow you are not conductive- to work .

OKAY! so my dear it's not Conductive- it's ConduCIVE!!"

Employers- please do no think your employees are idiots- this is what happens when you are told what to Say instead of saying what it is like.

You poor thing- someone actually put you through the motions- only the lack of experience drops you down!!

Right now I should have been mortified- instead I was trying hard not to laugh at this rather juvenile attempt.

I am not going to try to figure out how I can be one of the best, and be so good yet not be conduc(t)ive.

( Next time- please get someone who knows how to do this).

Looking back what could I have done better? I was cited for good behavior, for community volunteering, for being well behaved. Then obviously I think who else could have been feeling scared with my presence- oh yes- all those who knew their craft lesser than I and felt that I would eat them up! I wish you had waited and watched- did I really act as if I would have eaten you up- Not Possible- you should have had the courage of your convictions.

I knew that you were stealing. I knew that you were lying. I knew that you were very scared and threatened with the fact that every time you spoke technically and had me around- you were scared that I'd open my mouth and expose you. Why did you not instead see me as a team player. Why did you not think- maybe you could have played to your strengths instead of trying to cover your weaknesses. Why did you have to act defensive and write long emails hoping that I would not reply- knowing fully well that I could question every silly word that you wrote. WHy did your ego not allow you to understand that your lack of good English language skills were p****ing of clients??

Finally why did you not leave your ego at the door like every one else- and do only the job that you were paid for instead of trying to read others emails, trying to be a control freak and getting into bigger and bigger lies? Why was it necessary to argue about everything. Everyone does not know about everything- so why did you try to show that you did? You do understand that now everyone knows the lies you said. I did not encourage it- now everyone else talks about it!! Finally was all of this worth it.

No it is never!

Now you have a bigger detractor outside! The only thing I can do is forgive you- since first you need to work on the inner ethics that you so often circumvent. Hope you get this message the right way. I know that sliminess never gets you anywhere. I would have spoken- then what would happen to your home? I can live on. Think about it when you look in the mirror.

What now- displaced workers websites?

Urine drinking as self- help" is this Green ( yellow) recycling?

I a sure all of us have heard about drinking one's own urine as a self help medication- supposedly ensures that you never fall sick or fall victim to any diseases!!

In fact one of the greatest protagonists of this theory was an ex- Premier of India- Morarji Desai- he died at around a 100 years old so I guess he puts credence into his theory.

He used to advocate use of urine as an early morning drink and even suggested how this is to be used:

Get up in the morning - look at your handsome face in the mirror-

Let a bit of flow out- then capture the rest in a glass & drink it!

I even had relatives tell me that long back before Neosporin made waves- you just had to stand and urinate on your own wound- it would cure!! Really??

I have seen denizens of one country stand behind cows and put their hand out just when the cow starts to micturate ( urinate!!)- they would then pour the handful of that over their head and pray for eternal happiness/lottery ticket win/purity or some other silly prayer I presume!

The cowdung would be dried and taken home to act as fuel (coal)- and the cow's milk is used as well- cow's milk!

When the cow dies- they are sold as carcasses to the leather merchant- who obviously sells the meat as burgers and the skin as leather jackets to 42nd Street!!

I seriously think India first invented the 100% recyclable element. First the cow- then now the man.

If you think I am kidding- check out other Internet sites on urine therapy. They even have a website to sell cows urine- check it out yourself.

Please also talk to a few Indians and ask them if urine therapy was ever suggested by an ex-Premier. They will confirm this.

Next time you desperately look for a McDonalds- or are even casing a criminal- think about your health! Maybe you might be doing yourself some good by opening your mouth along with your zipper! (Keep a glass to collect! and use napkins PLEASE plus Purell after the deed!!)

Whitlock- stop about Rush Limbaugh! Who cares??

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2009

Whitlock is right- Rush provides entertainment

Whitlock is right. I remember first watching Rush in texas when Senior Bush was getting ready to lose it all to Clinton. Rush was a filler for me before Letterman came on. I used to switch it on only to irritate my wife with his comments. Honestly he was just entertainment to me- much like Inside Edition and A Current Affair.

Him own a NFL franchise? Good Lord- How much does network TV pay anyway? Would it make a difference though? How many fans know the names or political alignments of the rest of the owners?

How many players will be swayed by Rush and his "rutterings". In fact Whitman you should not have alluded to Vick and a "supposed" dialogue!

That's bad form plus it kind of waters down Rush's comments on slavery. I seriously doubt if Rush can ever make any kind of impact on anyone- except for a once in a while "Perot tale"- like the one where he was going to become the Republican head honcho or something. That would have confirmed one dead elephant.

17 gunshots at a bar in OHIO??

What a shame! poeple go to bars to have fun, loosen their tongues, their belts, their purses and lose a bit of money- - not to carry weapons with them to shoot at people!!

Thank God no one got hurt. In fact one of them looked like he might have been a worker there- and then there was someone else who looked like he was getting ready for a bout and desperately needed to use the porta John rather than shoot at someone!!

Why don't you gunslingers sit at home, get drunk and shoot each other instead of worrying the rest of us?

I'd have got Mamah Oprah to whoop you silly! Then she wouldn't have had to interview ex superstar cons whose tongues have gone to sleep due to excess Xanax!! That was one of the worst tattoos anyone can stick on his face!!

Oprah who next>- Kimbo Slice??

Nobel not Noble no more?

Obviously, the fact that a man who discovered dynamite would leave a legacy for peace by itself is an oxymoron! Was he encouraging the populace not to buy his product?

The Nobel peace prize has lost it's value and recognition as the years have passed.

Seriously what are the qualifications to be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize? Many years ago Yasser Arafat and Begin won this together!! - Both these gentlemen were responsible for so many deaths over the years and yet they won the Nobel Peace Prize??

Yesterday somebody remarked that other great man did not win the Peace Prize-However history will remind the reader that he had two fundamental flaws that may have forever prevent him form winning the award. The incident where he forced his wife to clean the bathroom, and also the fact that during his later years- he decided to do a "David". That would never be acceptable in today's society!! See where that took Michael Jackson!

Even though I like Obama and feel that he is capable of a lot of good for the country I join the crowd that feels that this award so early actually denigrates the value of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Who next?- Clinton for bringing the two journalists back form Korea?

Or how about Fidel who has so nicely stepped down form his post and is actually allowing larger boats to carry away his flock to the north?

One for that brilliant judoka ex-President Putin?

Dick Cheney for his attempt to reduce the carbon footprints of his hunting friends. One more for Al Gore for allowing Bush to win.

One for Nixon for his one liners,

I would send one by UPS to General Musharraf for clinging tenaciously to power and then gets kicked out to Saudi Arabia. A couple for the king of Saudi Arabia for allowing all these ex-Pak premiers to stay in his land and giving them wonderful villas to retire and live the rest of their lives in luxury.

One for Dawood for gracefully exiting from India.

One for Nalini now that she advocates peace- and before they hang her sorry arse.

One for Raju for making fools of the common investor and now staying in jail just so that all his politician friends can escape

One for that Pak nuclear scientist who scanned all his notes and left them on certain sites on the internet so that rogues could download the calculations and have built their own nuclear devices!!

As long as I am on a roll- why didn't they consider Bill Gates for a special mention- this man is responsible for more billionaires in this world than ever before- yet he is not demonised? How about sending him one by email?

Here are a few other nominees I would love to see:

One each for the Bloods and the Crips

One for Snoop Doggy Dog

Kanye for his drunken outbursts and then act contrite when talk about his mother surfaces.

Chris Brown for giving up violence in so public a forum.

One to be shared by those two Reverends who land up wherever an incident happens and hog TV camera time by standing next to the grieving families. Would it not be better if they just sent in their pictures on a flag to be unfurled at the right moment?

One for Bobby Brown for keeping Whitney away from the public eye for so long-Thanks Man!

One for whoever promises never to publish Angelina Jolie's picture any more. Gawd Brad what were you thinking man!

One for whoever manages to break up the fight between those two whipper snapping kids of that rich dead man. One sells phones and the other refuses to give him the cable to connect to the phone or some utter nonsense like that! Wish someone would give them a vicious wedgie for their juvenile actions. What's that? they are both over 45 years old Nah! Can't be!!

One to whoever closes down American Idol

One for the man who succeeds in disallowing phone texting any more.

One for that man who Mad(e) Off with a booty equal to the national debt or something like that.

One for Maury if he promises no more lie detection or DNA tests- you sound like a chemist man - not a talk show host!

One for Steve Wilkos if he starts wearing decent clothes at a show..!!

One for Miley if she promises to get a new set of teeth- those look scary girl!

One for Oprah if she promises to go away.

One for Serena if she promises to remove that nude picture!! Girl now we will all have to believe that testosterone plays a prominent role in your life. Dont let Martina see that picture!!

One for anyone who stops talking abouit the economy for 24 hours

One for someone who gives us hope to live another day wondering where all this heading for.

On that sombre note- let's celebrate our lives.

Bhuvaneshwari- the only multi tasking actress?

Why devote so much print for Bhuvaneshwari? She was merely following the classical management theories of

a) multi tasking

b) learning to spread efforts to ensure that income remains unaffected.

Seriously why are people shocked knowing that Bhuvaneshwari was running this racket. I know that many cine artists are involved in this kind of dealings.

Many decades back- I still remember there used to be talk about the actress who committed suicide (wife of a noted cinematographer) AND her mother coming in as a package deal with clients.

There were always rumors of those two sisters who started pursuing their dreams in Chennai filmdom and had to moonlight as flower sellers in Kollywood.

The yesteryear Malayalee actress who married an alcohlic Christian and was forced to get into this because there was no money at home. I still remember seeing her sitting in the coffee shop at the old Adyar Park Hotel in waiting for her johns. The waiters used to tell me about how she generally used to service an average of two johns a day.

The actress whose teeth were as white as the "Malli Poovu" she used to sell. Later on she "shipped" out.

How about the light eyed mother who ran a joint venture with her daughter as the highlight!! The daughter later courted infamy by marrying a superstar and subsequently was dumped back in Mumbai with two daughters.

I remember one night ( June 10- 1985- the date because it was the marriage anniversary of someone I knew). We were sitting in the downstairs lobby ( direct from car park)- of the Taj on NH Rd- I saw a famous overweight Mumbai director ( who later made a lot of moolah by getting a nicompoop to indulge in histrionics) talking this actress who had starred in this big hit movie ( Nana's debut movie). She kept requesting the director to talk downstairs- however he eventually persuaded her to go up to his room. I still remember the haunted look on her face as she entered the elevator knowing that she was in trouble and yet could do nothing to save herself!

As the years passed on, I remember one superstar who used to book a room at a famous 5 star- hotel in Chennai. He used to come in at night and demand Booze and Biryani- much after the restaurant closed for the night. To keep him in good humor- and to ensure that his demands were met- we used to hide Frozen Biryani on then top most shelf of the walk in freezer! All we had to do when he came in and demanded Biryani- was to heat the frozen stuff and mix butter in it!!

He always wanted to drink Johnnie Walker. I remember we used to fill Director's Special into old Johnnie Walker bottles just for him. After he got drunk- there'd be an extra waiting in the hotel room. There used to be a small hole which the maintenance guys had very cleverly hidden in the wall. We used to kaugh our hads off watching his antics with the extra.

That superstar was not really sized as well!

Later on I've heard that cheap artistes were available near the new Mahabalipuram road at a hotel between 1996-1998. The pimps used to have nice cars and they were the agents who would take you to this drive through hotel. In fact one of my journo friends showed me a picture of a attractive young girl and horror of horrors mentioned to me that this girl was brought down to Chennai from A.P. to be made into a actress. The director who brought her down was an ugly dark guy with very bad language. He married a cute looking pretty actress and yet this guy was running after other girls!

How about that famous yesteryear actress whose granddaughter caused a furore in Chennai by sleeping around so much and then married a Muslim boy. That actress even put a police case saying that her granddaughter was kidnapped by the boy. Actually this girl was being pimped by the husband- I knew them personally and always wondered what the hell was going on. I would land up at this guys house and he would be in the living room and I actually heard him talk to someone telling him that she is available for 3000 rupees! !! I was so disgusted because this guy himself was very rich- but I guess he just wanted to hedge his bets!!

I am sure no one will forget how the wife of a prominent industrialist was at one time living in sin with a yesteryear's superstar who himself was an abusive alcoholic and who actually forced his beautiful wife out of the home. (She had to come back into filmdom in 1986). Today this lady has the world in the palm of her hands- I feel sorry for her present husband! Imagine how many are laughing when they see him!!

Law officers can never fully succeed in stopping prostitution as long as there are actresses who are eager to make money as soon as possible! So why try?

Mr. Police officer help the normal citizen live a safe life. Let the prostitutes do what they have to do!!

Finally even before any of you reply to my post- remember decades ago- the only prostitutes you could score in Chennai was at Kodambakkam"!! This was the same place where movie making and actresses were centered long ago. Dear reader- You go figure out the math.

It was three against one!

This is in response to my dear friends who were arguing while I was getting my butt kicked by Mambo Pea nutSlice!

Here's my side of the story.

My friends were getting a bit upset with me simply because I had boastingly mentioned that I am a qualified street fighter -eh?). I challenged my puny set of friends to a fight on the streets, confident that I could beat the crap out of them.

Brian took up the challenge and it was not long before I stood at the corner liquor store in my flashier boxing gloves and shorts (came free with my Wii). One look at my attire and beer belly was enough for people on the sidewalk to fall down laughing in amused agony. Go back to taking your cocktail of Xanax and Prilosec you losers!

This huge dude-was waiting with Brian at the car park. To the sound of "Eye of the Tiger" in my head I feint-jabbed-jogged in my new Twister shoes ( vendor- Salvation Army) towards them.

Brian shook my hand and then introduced Mr. Mambo. ( according to Purist's 3rd law- the size of an individual is directly proportional to the amount of liquid bath soap needed for one hosing down of the individual (patent pending)). This man was definitely a 6.5!! ( 6.5 bottles of 16 Oz shampoo).

I introduced myself to him as an expert exponent of Karate and street fighting. He looked at me and said "Take my Condo". I politely refused his offer since I own one already. " No thanks"

The rest is a blur- all I remember is that someone was practicing his unlicensed dentistry on me. Little marshmallows - in pink and white hues were coming out of my mouth. I remember seeing my blind Granny in leotards and cheering for Slice. No wonder she died long back- you imbecile!!! I even saw Bill define sex as per the Holy Book. I saw Don smoking a cigar and standing next to Chris, with his arms around his waist ( Ri- good girl- smart to get out of that 3some!!)

I would have won- if not for the fact that they were going 3 against one. His side there was He, Him and Himself! Two held me down and allowed the third to enjoy beating the crap out of me.

Cant elaborate- going to check if Medicaid will allow me to undergo plastic surgery.

It was much much later that Brian clarified to me that Slice did not say "Take my Condo"- he was actually mentioning that he was an expert on "Taekwondo".

Ha! Never trust these Oriental names!!

do religions really excommunicate nowadays?

Here's a letter from a dear friend- I cannot confirm the accuracy of any of his assertions- I was a bit surprised- since he could actually recite entire passges from his religious text.

Dear Friend,

Yea

The excommunication bit was rough.

It happened after the service- when the family & couples session was going on,. The entire session is controlled by the senior pastor. He walks around to make sure we are not discussing the odds on the game tonight!.

I am one of the junior family moderators which basically means that I am assigned the group that uses the wooden folding chairs, served black coffee and only shown pictures of food.

Well the topic of my group was on how

Tropicana Florida Orange juice is not really from Florida.

The discussion was quite animated and as the pastor came up to us- he saw that he would gently have to steer the communication away from Government lying and taking all our money to pay all those failed baskets in those terribly famous banks.

Rather than risk a huge altercation ( we have old ladies who can throw 2-day old donuts with deadly accuracy. The Govt was tempted to use their services in the Gulf war too).

The pastor gently steered us saying:

“No matter where the juice comes from – it really tastes nice!”

To support him ( suitable brown nosing is recommended in case you wish to have access to those folding chairs- the next option is to sit on hot tin sheets outside in the football field.

“ Yea! It tastes very good with Vodka too!”

The silence was deafening. Immediately I was promoted to be the harbinger of the second deadly sin – a rung below the one where that woman smoked them leaves and gave an apple to that man.

I am in closed door hearings now for the next 4 days where I have to show cause on why I mentioned Vodka. ( Turns out if I had mentioned an American drink like Bud or Heineken

(-German? Beer is an American name! Nah!

- my sin would have been downgraded to a misdemeanour).

Right now there is a chance I may be sent for preaching to those handsome fellas at Gitmo! Look for pictures of me.

Best!

Carrey